All I can do is be me, whoever that is.

Thailand

2011-05-27T08:27:00.002-05:00

Hey, visit me at 60daysinthailand.blogspot.com

Bye school

2011-05-19T18:23:00.001-05:00

So, you know how I said I would be lonely on my 21st?

I ran into a few friends in the library, so during my midnight stay, I was able to share some laughs while attempting to make a mobile app.

I had a panic attack as always during final exams- blah blah school

A-,A-,A,B,and a C+

I still keep my HOPE scholarship-YEAH!!!

Tuesday = Design nerf gun party

I love the design students in my class.

It was a wonderful 21st celebration in Knoxville.

I really appreciated it

I was drunk and got Gordan to take me to IHOP.

I take drunk food photos

Intaglio print for my best friend.

Its batman and robin

Intaglio print image-on "LEPRE-GONE" because hes on shrooms.

2011-05-11T09:47:00.000-05:00

Picking up nerf gun bullets off the floor and shoving it in my pockets for no reason = my level of drunkness for 21st.

21

2011-05-07T20:56:00.001-05:00

There's an empty chair in front waiting to be taken by someone. At times I like being alone, at times I dont. I'm at the golden roast, enjoying a house mocha and studying for my art history test.

and
shit, im 21 in 2 hours and it will be my 4th year at utk next year..

whoa.
whoa.
whoa.

just whoa.
is it weird that I'm not excited?

2 more hours until I can drink, its the prime age of my life. The age people look forward to.
But my level of excitement doesn't really exist.
I guess because when I turn 21, I will not be with friends, nor with anyone. I will be in the library, doing homework. The one person I would go out and have a drink with is graduating soon, so she is busy studying and working. I hope to celebrate later though. My group of friends have shifted compared to the past years. Its a little strange, as I dont feel close to small group of people atm. I am sort of floating a lone. I visit book stores and wonder aimlessly shifting through countless books with a catchy cover in various aisles instead of being one of those people out walking on the strip with a group of friends thinking of their next fun plan to do. I think the further I go into the school program and getting more tired has lead me to be driven deeper into a place I sort of don't want to be in college. I would like to go out more and be social, but lately - I can't even keep my eyes open. My teacher noticed that my level of energy dropped by the end as I walked in late to my review giving me a B instead of a B+. I was afraid my grade was going to be a C instead because I did so damn terrible at the end. I got so burnt out.

Yesterday night was a relief. It was wonderful hanging out with the group of people I dont get to see all the time. We laughed and ate the most fulfilling food at Soccertaco after our venture on First Friday. It may have been the last night of a first friday + Soccertaco combo with those people as we all separate at the end of the school semester, but they don't realize how uplifting it was for me. I much needed it.

I think this thailand trip is much needed. I think it will open a whole new door. I think I will notice more of the beauty of the country and everything around the area. I know how to use my camera much better than the last time I went. I hope to take beautiful photos of everything. I'm going to look for internships and I'm going to constantly work on design.

Confidence is what I need.

End of semester

2011-04-30T07:39:00.000-05:00

Whoa, its the end.

Volapalooza had Girl Talk, Matt Costa, and Kingston Springs.

Pretty unexcited, boring.
I was the bitch at the gate checking your purses/bags. Few people "forgot" they had alcohol in their bags. Are you really that stupid?

Final exam time = no sleep time
I am BEHIND on everything and I keep taking "naps" which fail for the most part.

Yeah. Sorry I havent blogged in awhile.
Did I mention I met my old english teacher from freshmen year?
She told me my last paper was super good and I am super surprised she remembers me.
I told her I still write, some - not really.

I want to take a writing class..or maybe i should just stick with yoga.
Senior Design show was great! Overwhelmed by the awesomeness. We all talked how we can't get to that level. >_<

NEW APT!

2011-04-19T22:20:00.000-05:00

New apartment, signed a lease and everything!

Also, have been designing small things and all for people. It is getting me somewhere because they keep spreading the word of mouth, which isnt good at this moment because im busy already and there is only 2 weeks of school left.

Lately = not feeling so well
The lack of social interaction is getting to me.
Badly

its 4am, can I sleep yet?

2011-04-12T02:32:00.000-05:00

My group and I working on our website for Highlander Center in Knox. We no longer look this excited because its 4am. Due today; we are almost done with this

knoxville pridefest design

2011-04-03T00:01:00.002-05:00

experiments

revisions

FINALS

w subtle differences in stripes.

BTS design

2011-04-02T18:32:00.004-05:00

OKAY. so which one? & why.

For the BREAKING THE SILENCE rally

their theme color is purple, must have a positive feel to it.

PROCESS...

OMFG i found fun vector stuff.

love illustrator

What would it look like without background stuff?

and w purple color

adding both...

Add knoxville sunsphere?

FINAL

Honestly, Im just driving.

2011-04-02T18:01:00.046-05:00

I realized how alone I feel nowdays.
bit by bit.

I want to be around people,
but at the same time I don't.

When I take photos, I capture other peoples emotions of happiness and smiles. I feel slightly jealous in how they have that, when I don't at that moment. How I'm just a lone photographer and they are gathered in a group, or with someone and are enjoying this event together. I love my job, but I hate that I can't enjoy the laughs with them.

I went to the mall to buy an ipod nano because I wanted to do something to make myself feel better.
I think next week I'll get a haircut. A friend once explained that I'm fashionable because on the outside I want to portray I have confidence, when it is a disguise to hide how much of a coward I really am. It is true, I lack confidence and am insecure on so many levels.

I undervalue myself a lot. One girl told me I should charge for photos and designs.
I can't.

I drove endlessly throughout the city, not really in a clear direction or knowing what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go. Not even the slightest clue. I just drove.
& I'm still driving endlessly.
but I want to hit a pit stop and refuel my energy with something new,
before I end up crashing or losing a tire.

Actually, I just want to go home to someone.
And be able to ask that person if they want to go to the park, or go through bookstore aisles, or watch a movie together.

Well, whatever.
I'm still looking for a new apartment.
I love my macbook pro too.
I also love this ipod nano.

Also, DJ Tiesto was fantastic, but
I wish I could've sang Tegan and Sara with someone.

HEY HEY, i am awesome

2011-03-22T20:48:00.001-05:00

My favorite bboy video/song ever

Will update on my sweet trip after all this hw is done!

Spring break

2011-03-14T22:25:00.001-05:00

HEY, i'm back till friday.Then back to knoxville to pick up my badminton doubles partner to go to Chattanooga to then go to ATL,Oxford area.

EVERYSINGLETRIP jaojdlkasda. Im sorry Rolito. Hes in a new, bigger pot now

Did muay thai, love the people! Always. I attempted to do it at knoxville, but ended up injuring my leg and getting allergies. Fail.

i did get to see Melinda's footprint through the wall in person.
We had which wich and sweet ceces! BEST COMBO EVER.
If you go to which wich, please try the black bean veg patty with pesto- best veggie sandwich I ever tasted in my life.

Lets do this:
What I spent almost an all night on because I came up with this idea at 2am. Only the best ides happen late.

MINUS the missing white background in tie.

My brothers face during the whole duration of swinging.

Im afraid he will fall under the child obesity trend.

A folky song of a soundtrack.

because all I want is you.
but you're out of reach.

I'm patient

Going back old school to the indie music

Lead conference

2011-03-06T01:11:00.002-06:00

I tried to hold steady,

but the shaking hands and trembling fear felt it coming.

It could have been from the cold ventilation or the tremendous terrfying experience about to happen.

breathe, relax.

In a room of hundreds of student, in a room of diversed religions, backgrounds, race, gender, sexual orientation, and ability. We sat in silence. We sat sharing that silence.

The speaker flipped through the slides.

His emphasis was to be vulnerable. If you aren't vulernable, it means you hide yourself because you are afraid to get hurt. To be upfront and visibly vurnable allows yourself to be open and unafraid, even from yourself.

He started slow, "Stand if you are born and raised in...Tennessee"

Most of us scooted our chairs back and stood, looking around and glancing at who was standing.

"Stand if you are born and raised...outside of Tennessee"

Not as many stood this time.

He paused," NOTICE. Take a look around as we do this."

He kept continuing, flipping through the slides with questions like "If you are middle class" "If you have a parent with no high school degrees" etc

Then, he got to "If you identify as female"

God, I knew then and there, I couldnt stand. I felt compelled to, but why? I would be falling for society wanted me to do. I went to this conference from the start because I wanted to learn to be a better leader, to learn how to interact with people.

"If you identify as male"

I didn't stand for that either.

Unexpectedly, he then asked

"If you identiy as neither or a gender that doesn't fit in the binary..."

Well, I didn't come to this conference to hold back.

I stood. Scooting back my chair, anxiously with sweaty palms, with my eyes darting everywhere for someone else besides me. Noone.

My teeth were clenched because I tried not to cry.

He made eye contact with me, acknowledging what I did, and thanked me.

This was the first time, I would tell a group of 400 UT students, that

I am LGBT, neither female or male, an Asian, a Buddhist, an agnostic, and a family of a middle class.

He covered every topic, even "If you know someone who attempted or completed suicide" - almost everyone stood, that was the point where you realized this speech was to get you to notice the things you miss, the things you don't engage in conversation with people. Even seeing a few woman stand up for the question of "If you were raped", was empowering, and even the people who themselves have attempted suicide. It was intense, it was wonderful.

I dont care if people didn't see what I saw in that conference today,

If they thought it was a waste of time, so be it

For me, I accomplished more than standing up.

I want to leave this place better for someone else.

I can't cover everything in this blog,

but I'll tell you the most important things i learned.

Instead of passing judgement, instead of making assumptions - believing the myths,

break those barriers.

break it.

until you understand where that person is coming from.

You wont change their opinion.

but having that level of understanding,

is better than leaving with that preconceived judgement.

Funny thing is,

UTK is one of the top schools listed as "Alternative lifestyle, not an alternative"

For 3 years, I have not seen a student discriminate against another.
It scared me to death knowing that about UT, yet I havent seen anyone care whether or not you are LGBT. They are accepting. A misconception, a myth - that people have about this school.

I realize a lot of close friends don't understand, dont get the "T" in LGBT, or whatever. I know a lot of my friends dont care to ask - but I want people to ask. If you dont understand something, why would you not ask? & Yeah, I realize, I just kind of came out in my blog. & I'm okay with that, because I dont want to be hidden anymore.

I feel relieved.
Life is getting better.

A journey is done individually.

I hope everyone goes through a wonderful journey searching for the unknown and more understanding of life, people.

2011-03-04T00:01:00.000-06:00

Umm, yeah.

Tumblr meet up this saturday.
How cool =]

Also, I ran out of space to upload photos, I'm unsure of how to continue photo uploading, sooo - wont exist until I figure out a way.

Menchies have plastic spoons you can take home because they are cute and remind me of the cereal box spoons.

I want a color changing spork.
Also, my friend and I came up with sweet design ideas, such as -
Why the hell doesn't our phones have a number search?
"Who's number is this?" *points*
"Uh, I dont know, its not like I can remember all the numbers in my phone"

Also, color changing spoons.
We need to bring the back.

Complete, almost

2011-03-02T21:23:00.001-06:00

As the previous post said, I was working on the 5k poster. I finished. =]

I'm glad it is over with, but proud I was able to do it because I had trouble with it. I did it for free because I'm nice and just wanted the experience. As long as I get a free shirt, I'm good!

Poster design

Shirt design

You can letterpress on newspaper! yay.

Never again sewing a pillow- it took 4-5 hours. That is ridiculous!

Also, I don't understand the Charlie Sheen jokes, can someone fill me in?

And my allergies are no good, my cheeks are red and my eyes were itchy, it feels better today though.

It is official though, traveling to the tournament on the 18th. I need a lot of work on singles, I just feel out of shape. I need to start doing more high intensity stuff I think. Yoga at 8am friday? yes yes!

I made a stop motion, but I will post when it is finished.

I'm attending a LEAD conference here at UT. A leadership conference. I dont know why, I am no leader.

Working on it

2011-02-27T17:03:00.000-06:00

Got asked to do the Friday Night 5k.

I want to do a good job!

and I want to make more flyers!

Took me forever to get to this point. I was kinda stuck.

WHICH ONE?!?!??!!

Currently working on:

Stop motion

Pillow

Letterpress

Why is it hard for me to stay awake now?

&& yeahhhh,

the weekend was interesting.

It has been quite awhile since such a thing happened.

Not going into detail.

Attending a badminton tournament in Emory, near ATL. March 19-20th.

Doing singles = death

I actually have to train and run now?

fuck.

10th anniversary recap

2011-02-25T09:56:00.001-06:00

of Thursday's "Full Collapse" album!

Saw Thursday, Underoath, Animals as Leaders, and A Skylit Drive,
Knoxville TN 2/25/2011

Recap:
Animals as Leaders - 3 piece instrumental. Guitarist is insanely good, but not as hyped because it is instrumental. Good to listen to, not to rock to. Visuals were alright. WORTH checking out and seeing what they can do with just their instruments.

A Skylit Drive - never ever again. The most clique band I've seen since high school. Guys with the emo hair looking like girls with long hair and holey jeans. Pretty clique and typical. Their music sounds like every other attempt scene band with a high pitch vocalist and low screaming one.

These guys beside me and Janie felt the same after we hear them yell, "Are you going to CRY OR SCREAM?" and were mocking the band. We both nodded and agreed as Janie thought the drummer was a girl and I kept giggling after picturing the lead singer as Dona from "That 70's Show". Seriously, check it out.

We all instantly became friends after sharing the same love for Thursday and Underoath singing along.

Thursday - 10th anniversary of Full Collapse. It has been that long? Holy shit. You have to love this album. Epic. What I listened to in high school and glad I finally saw them. The show was beautiful, breath taking, and mindblowing to watch them live. Enhancing and lively. They played a new song from their album coming in April. Cannot wait! I bought a thursday shirt. A simple Thursday "Full Collapse" with a grid. (damn, graphic design has got me thinking about designs on shirts now) I think the guitarist was to my right as I bought the shirt...buttttttt I didn't want to be mistaken and I am awkward when asking for autographs.

Underoath - played mainly new stuff with their new drummer. Made me miss Aaron more.

It's Dangerous Business and Boy Brushed Red were my top 2 from their old stuff. The ones everyone knew the lyrics to and my top favorites from them. Janie was disappointed they didn't play "The Sun Still Sleeps". Maybe in the future. They did have a blinding set up not to mention, worse than seeing Bassnectar close. Flashing BRIGHT BRIGHT seizure lights. I was on the balcony in the back and my eyes were being blinded. Pretty sure everyone cringed at the sight for half the show. They did have stunning visuals with video being projected that worked well. In case you didnt know, Aaron (the clean vocals and drummer) left last year.

It was an ALL AGES show, which means it ended around 11:30ish.Good, because I had homework, but bad to see all the little teens and clique scene kids from high school.
WHOA FLASHBACK.

Set List:
In Regards to Myself
Breathing in a New Mentality
In Division
It’s Dangerous Business
Catch Myself Catching Myself
The Created Void
Paper Lung
To Whom It May Concern
Moving for the Sake of Motion
A Divine Eradication
Boy Brushed Red
Who Will Guard the Guardians
Illuminator
Writing on the Walls

VDAY

2011-02-16T23:47:00.001-06:00

I went to a protest on Valentines Day.

I had a great lovely day, filled with free cookies, cupcakes, and candy.

So much joy.

Secret of the Week:

I just did laundry so I could wear my TMNT boxers. The spiderman ones are sadly ripping

Perfect park weather.

I would love to go with someone.

Also spent the weekend watching Scott Pilgrim and The Royal Tenenbaums.

Worked on a content map for a website - it will come soon and I will show you.

It contains the club experiences of me and janie - which means it will be epic

Also, I dont want to minor in Journalism anymore.

It sucks.

It is not the same as english writing.

My artsy friend and I quickly found out after hearing the words "Your opinion doesn't matter" and "FOLLOW THE AP STYLE. DONT ADD ANYTHING ELSE"

Well, how boring.

I also can't believe the Daily Beacon covered Huckabee's fundraising BS that was to raise money to put the dead fetus images on campus - it made him look like a nice guy instead. We all know he is a huge non-supporter of the lgbt by tweeting "Marriage = One man + One woman"

That marked the ending of my minor for journalism

Also, starbucks is hiring, but i am unsure if I want to take it because I am already sleep deprived and am constantly busy already besides thursday nights, all friday and saturday, which sometimes turn into homework days or lazy break ones.

BUT I WOULD GET FREE COFFEE.

Still writing content for spoken word though.

I finally upgraded my xbox to make it yearly paid - they up'd the price for monthly - shiuoadhskj

Motivate.

2011-02-09T22:31:00.000-06:00

Great smiles from Bill Bass, founder of the BODY FARM!

Yes, Neyland Stadium does have skeletons and dead bodies underneath.

I wish I could look this happy and I hope when I get older, I will be able to smile as much as him!

Also, learning how to BREAKDANCE! Geez it has been awhile, but picking it back up after having one practice. It seems really fun and I like the people! Except for the fact that well, even breakdancing isnt genderneutral. Journalism can be though!

Ever notice bgirl, bboy differences? I'm suppose to have a name, I just want to be called a bdancer.

Made business cards + business card holders. Final product!
3 diff. sizes

A badass print i bought for $20 from the print sale.
I have a slight crush on all the printmaker graduates. They are all so cute! and when she told me shes glad this artwork is going to a good home, I slightly freaked out and awkwardly walked away.

Im so awkward on one to one convos with cute girls. I fail so bad.

Also, I am feeling a side effect from a sleeping pill.
Don't take them X_X

My lame weekends

2011-02-06T11:32:00.000-06:00

First Friday

Camel made out of cigarette butts, fo reals.

Open mic, musicians/poets come together

That awkward moment when you know that poem was about you...

yeah...

Anyway, more first friday

Tofu + Eggs? BEST COMBO. try it sometime
Me + vegetarian = going well so far.

CHANG.

I like my 21+ friends

I need a haircut and more scarves like this.

no more what ifs

2011-02-05T00:51:00.001-06:00

Check out LXD dance group if you havent

Need a good laugh?

I bought tickets to Underoath/Thursday
&& to DJ Tiesto.

OMFG DJ TIESTOOOOOOO.
Also, Cage the Elephant.

He is so wonderful.
An example of his work.
Look for the Tegan and Sara remix as well.

Christianity, attempts to convert me...again

2011-02-04T10:16:00.002-06:00

This guy. I dont remember his name.
He approached behind me after seeing me pass by. He chills at the bus stop to talk to people about Christianity. He is a nice guy, wants to be a pastor and studies at a Christian college in Knoxville. (never in my life seen it). Anyway, I felt like someone was creeping behind me and he basically walked with me to the art building talking about Christianity and my beliefs. He was curious about it as he had never heard much about Buddhism. (get the fuck out of your bible room and google it)

I dont know why I run into these Christians. I think it is because I listen to them and want to understand their views, but I never will because I'm not a Christian and could never be. They are confident in the bibles truth and want to share the truth, but the difference is between me and them is that I have observed enough to understand that the truth itself is subjective like art. History is never 100% acccurate and what is written by man isn't either. Buddhism is about happiness. About understanding the current world and the understanding of our actions and others. Buddhism isn't the "let me convert" you religion, it is the "If you're curious, come learn". The guy kept telling me "I'm not here to convert you, but let me leave you with this..." (which means, let me convert you) He talked about how his religion has given him confidence and a faith to believe in and there is no doubt about the afterlife and no doubt abouta god existing. He asked,"Why keep guessing?" I told him I find beauty in simple things, in life. I'd rather be reincarnated than go to a heaven where I can't enjoy these life experiences and the people I know. Without doubt, without curiousity, how will I learn, experiment from others? If you keep guessing you will look for the answer through life experiences. I mean, if you believe iin God and all, you deal with sinning and forgiving. Before I left, we talked about homosexuality. His view is that it is not natural, it is unproductive, and it just makes sense to him for it to be between a man and a woman. I understand where he is coming from by saying it makes sense that way, but then he reverted to history and say the Founding Fathers made it between a man and a woman for a reason and that empires have fallen.

1. And the Founding Father also said men are created equal, wheres the equality?
Just because you want to fix gay doesn't mean you should, because we dont need fixing and nor do we follow the bible fully. The guy said he did, so then maybe I should bring up all the verses that aren't used today because it doesn't fit our society. If you dont like our sexual preference, then tolerate it.

2. People came to America to practice freedom of religion. Where the fuck is freedom of religion? Through my experiences, it appears some Christians disapprove of religious freedom and the idea of "helping" is more like "forcing". Example: Murfreesboro's Mega Mosque is a huge debate because the idiot Christians in the city think they will be some future terrorist group and a plot to build more mega mosques, oh no, not more mega mosques! I mean, really guys? This group has been practicing in Mboro for THIRTY YEARS. I have yet to see any terrorist attack.

3. Where the fuck is the love? Buddhists are pacifist. I have yet to meet a Buddhist that has gone out to kill people for Buddha. A church here in Knoxville (TVUUC) had a shooting occur few years ago. A guy opened fire during a kid play and killed people. His reasoning was because God told him too. His letter he left behind states how liberals and lgbt people should be killed. God teaches about love, so why do people try to fix gays? try to fix your beliefs and try to fix how you view things. Wheres the tolerance?

4. Well, yeah we aren't "productive to society" but how can I be a productive workforce if I'm miserable trying to pretend to be straight and psychologically trying to alter the way I think? I understand where the guy is coming from, but psychologically. I am fine the way I am, I wear guy clothes, are you going to try to "fix" me because I'm not normal in this society? If it doesn't make sense society wise, who the fuck cares?

Us gays are doing a favor by helping the overpopulation growth and adopt kids you straights dont want. SO we are being productive, in our own ways. Our strength lies within our struggle with ourselves.

People should find their strength themselves. You could be doing good in other places instead of wasting time talking to people who have more life experiences than you. My opinion wont change, neither will yours.

Yummyness

2011-01-29T22:04:00.002-06:00

Bridget Gray - slam poet.

New favorite.

She gave me a free cd in return of the photos here

I have to admit, compared to last year's photos. I'm getting better.

I halfway fell asleep through this.

Noam Chomsky's UT visit lecture

Secret Sunday: My tumblr tells my current mood. Honestly.

I'm jealous of these kids I see after class wednesday/fridays

+Too much eating of cookies

+Watched dexter

+Has ink in nails from print shop

+Has too many projects due monday/tuesday

+Wants to perform drag again at Carousel

+Wants to get a 2nd job

+Just got TMNT boxes from my roommates

+But looking for off campus housing

+Drinking Samurai Chai Matte tea

+Just made hashbrowns and eggs

+Becoming vegetarian

+Did yogalates friday morning

+Gets 5 hours of sleep

+Wants to finish reading these books

+Started writing again when it has been since middle school =)

UGH. homework. Working on a site map.

Photo opportunities!

2011-01-20T21:02:00.000-06:00

Daily Beacon

I rarely post beacon things on here,

but i feel like i should because it is what i've been doing.

Lots of assignments.

Lots of art projects assignments too!

I partly know JAVA coding!

Sometimes they dont put the best photo in the paper, I wish they picked this one. =[

Nor have they put in any of the tennis shots i took.

Recently did fencing, will do badminton, and also did some intaglio.

Dont hate me for putting fencing in the newspaper!

It is pretty interesting that badminton has no photos

I guess its because when it comes to picture taking, I need a break.

Definitely want this in my kitchen!

Heres my dexter print. It is a "working print"

Unfortunately he does not like outlines or zombie eyes.

School

2011-01-16T21:34:00.001-06:00

sounds like it will be better this semester.

still having trouble with sleeping though.

Searching for a someone

Exhausted
being lazy

want

2011-01-10T19:36:00.001-06:00

Chocolate. IN KNOXVILLE. ew

2011-01-08T22:32:00.000-06:00

I have found someone that loves M&MS as much as I do and kicks ass. Instant love.

Meet her!

Jija from the movie Chocolate & Raging Phoenix.

If you havent seen Chocolate, Watch it here

Summary: Jija plays a young girl who has autism and grows up watching martial art flicks and basically kicks ass to save her mother. If you havent seen The Protector or Onk Bak, see those two movies with Tony Jaa. Also dont use wires and have real injuries. And I'm like Gus from the tv show psych who tears up on emotional parts. Yeah, I'm lame.

Absolutely a win. Also, they do not use wires or stunt doubles and the injuries are real as well as the falling from many stories. When you get to part 9, you will see the outtakes and the injuries they actually went through. Hardcore.

BTW, in Knoxville. FUCK THE COLD.

Alone for the weekend and not leaving.

Glad I went to Mckays. Must have been family night because it was packed. Wtf.

Well, guess everyone else is like me and have nothing better to do.

Anyway, I stayed up till 5am. No good.

Found at Mckays:

+Chuck Palahnuk "Diary"

+Vegetarian Cookbook

+Batman graphic novel

+Design book with furniture/product design

Kickass

2011-01-07T00:39:00.001-06:00

For those that love XFILES & Dubstep.

For those that love Barbra Steisand and Duck Sauce

For those like me who thought Caribou was saying "Chicken Steak" instead of "She can say" throughout the whole song. Really.

To keep me busy during break, I have been taking Muay Thai + Kickboxing. Today I decided to try out Kicking and Stretching + somethingpo class + Kali. Whoa, 3 hours filled with learning more self defense and learning how to use a stick as a weapon. I have to admit, I feel pretty badass. Hope Knoxville has something similar to this awesome gym. For those in the Boro --> Progessive Martial Arts Got to do it for free for 2 weeks. Now I get to add muay thai and everything into a workout routine as I've always wanted to do self defense. Im considering buying gloves & mitts. Still will be doing yoga/pilates too.

For those that want to see a hint of muay thai.
Also, this movie looks good and will watch on youtube with subtitles!

2 days & counting!

January 20th = Two Fresh + Eliot Lipp

Two fresh @ campbisco from the summer

Without that camp bisco NY trip, I would be lacking on what dubstep and concerts.

3 days counting

2011-01-05T16:06:00.000-06:00

School is around the corner.
I dont know what to expect.
NOT READY.
Scared. will probably die.

But I think this year will be good. I think I'll meet more people and really try.
Play like nothing to lose. Loosen up some.

Top artists atm
+ JJ
+ Florence and the Machine
+ Nicki Minaj
+ Silversun pickups

Tumblr find:

Cute.

Anyway, working on a shirt. I have a blank white tee that I would like to paint.

Which design?

2011

2011-01-02T13:42:00.001-06:00

Heard this song on pandora radio for New Years Eve.

HAPPY NEW YEARS

New Years Resolutions:
+ Run more & keep working out daily
+ Be optimistic (especially for graphic design)
+ Stay confident
+ Speak up more
+ Approach people
+ Stay productive (unlike what I'm doing on break and doing nothing)
+ Save up money
+ Find a 2nd flexible job

What did I do new years?
+ Dannys party
+ Janeys party
+ Both included wii "just dance"
+ Both included friends
+ One included classy champagne
+ The other liquor and kegs
+ Driving in the flooded rain

Quite an okay NYE.
Miss the old times though. At least this year I didn't have to take care of sick drunk friends. Usually the case when partying. Didn't drink much... usually the case when driving (which is literally 9/10 times) Friend and I decided Club Play in Nashville Wednesday. We want to dance.

LAST WEEK for me.

Christmas

2010-12-26T15:12:00.001-06:00

My dad hates watching UT, but we got him a snuggie anyway.

Support my school! haha

Actually, I hate UT sometimes too. Love the opportunity, the experience, hate the way programs are.

My awesome shirt my sister got me. My dad hates rihanna. I will wear it to spite him.

My mother gave me an elephant necklace.

I actually like it.

&& truth be told, it is the only thing she has ever given to me that I actually like.

Took you long enough to understand I do not like butterfly diamonds, sparkling jewel bracelets, or earrings.

My goal is to get her to accept (in order):

1. my short hair

2. my clothing

3. my major

4. me

It will take years.

My dad is the "I dont give a fuck" kind of dad

fuck yeah

My decision. Studio art vs Graphic Design

I did decide to go through with the graphic design program. They accepted only 11 of us, I think. Whhaatt. Anyway. I have been deciding on studio art vs graphic design. I want to be a designer, so it is what I want to do and it is what I will do. I believe this program can get be there, force me in that mindset. I've had a lot of tips such as to go with studio art, work on design yourself. Studying art helps, but looking at the classes I would take..is meh. A lot of writing, history classes..and I would need to choose between printmaking, photography, drawing, painting, etc. I took a drawing class, dislike. I saw what my friend was working on in painting, dislike. Photography would be fun. The rest, could care less. A lot in studio art I feel is abstract. Studio classes involve some abstract thinking. I am more a concrete thinker. Conceptual. I need form, a reason, something to make it make sense. I want to learn digital art and while I was in that design program this semester, there were little things in there that helped me be better and not give up. So, yes, even though a lot of people HATED design this semester, I started to like it. Design is self taught, but I think having a teacher to help you build a portfolio and a set fundamental ground on it will be more helpful than working in studio art. Thus, my choice in design. I know, I will die, have bad health, and be miserable..but I met some great people and want to continue working with those great people. Tara, you're stupid. I know.

happy beginnings

2010-12-26T01:22:00.000-06:00

On a lighter note.

Make me these!

nutella cookies

I also am having trouble staying awake. Much needed starbucks ~~sometimes~~ all the time

I make excuses to drive by.

Want to learn how to do this on illustrator.

Home Alone 2.

Bird Lady: The man I loved fell out of love with me. That broke my heart. When the chance to be loved came along again, I ran away from it. I stopped trusting people.
Kevin McCallister: No offense, but that seems like sort of a dumb thing to do.
Bird Lady: I was afraid of getting my heart broken again. Sometimes you can trust a person, and then, when things are down, they forget about you.
Kevin McCallister: Maybe they're just too busy. Maybe they don't forget about you, but they forget to remember you. People don't mean to forget. My grandfather says if my head wasn't screwed on, I'd leave it on the school bus.
Bird Lady: I'm just afraid if I do trust someone, I'll get my heart broken.
Kevin McCallister: I understand. I had a nice pair of Rollerblades. I was afraid to wreck them, so I kept them in a box. Do you know what happened? I outgrew them. I never wore them outside. Only in my room a few times.
Bird Lady: A person's heart and feelings are very different than skates.
Kevin McCallister: They're kind of the same thing. If you won't use your heart, who cares if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it'll be like my Rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won't be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose.
Bird Lady: Little truth in there somewhere.
Kevin McCallister: I think so. Your heart might still be broken, but it isn't gone. If it was gone, you wouldn't be so nice.

Yes, I realize I have been holding back. Running. Why? What for? Someone helped me question that. I didnt have a defined answer. It is time for me to let go, take the chance.Well, I hate to be patient but if opportunities come. A chance I've never taken. At least I'll try. It has been quite a long time since I've tried dating. Say...2 years. I guess I just never really looked for anyone or would assume the worst and quit. Honestly, not many people catch my eye and I dont care for hookups. I'm probably one of the hardest people someone would try to chase after and I can't say much because I am not much of a chaser either because I am extremely oblivious and feel one could distract me from schoolwork. So, I'm a struggling junior who wants someone to laugh with and share lame ideas with. Time to change my self esteem. I also need to stop being lazy. More productivity.

Well, a New Years Resolution is this. 2011, here I come. With no regrets, chances to make, confidence to gain...this should be a good year.

California Update 2 - Day Meet n Greet

2010-12-25T23:40:00.000-06:00

The Places & People I met in California

Bagel Street Cafe (Not as good as einsteins)

MOCHI THE KITTY.

I have to admit, I kinda want a cat now.

Lemongrass, Thai food

Tshirt orgy, berkeley

Mars, thrift store

WANTED. german military jacket

Would that be bad if I wore a german nazi jacket?

Smart Alec's, not as good. Too "healthy" for me, my veggie burger wasn't as tasty

Kathys Friends: Joey and Joey

Eventful day @ Berkeley!

Lots of shopping, walking around.

Next day

What is this in & out west coast thing?

The simplest menu + a secret menu

BEST fast food, no doubt.

I would drive miles and miles in California

A high school

QUICKLYS?

Thumbs up for bubble tea! better than the east coast too. Fat straw and knox pearl

MALL VISIT!!

And what do you know, badass stores we dont have in TN

What else is west coast?

Jamba Juice

BEST SMOOTHIES

Kathys Friends who met us at the mall

Kathys donut shop

I think I gain 10lbs from eating donuts alone

Last quicklys

Thats it folks.

A wonderful trip of meeting new people and visiting experiences.

Christmas shopping

2010-12-22T03:15:00.000-06:00

As my sister and I were christmas shopping,

She found this shirt and goes "FOR YOU!"

My reply: "That would be really funny if you bought me it and dad saw me open it on Christmas day"

What does she do?

*BUYS*

Well, dad.

It will be an interesting Christmas day.

By the way,

Please wear your UT "blanket with sleeves" as you yell at the tv during UT games.

I WANT A PHOTO!

The only time I was productive.

Night owl'n bored design.

As I look at tumblr and see great designs,

I realize I am behind.

I want to be great.

but I lack confidence.

A regretful past, oblivious to opportunities, the list of insecurities, and the selfish uncaring moments.

You can find someone better.

California Update - Banquet Day

2010-12-19T00:18:00.000-06:00

"So..where am I staying?"

"I dont know, ask Kathy"

"Wait, do they even know I am going to CA too?!"

"I dont know"

"Thanks Dad, you are such a planner"

Things are better spontaneous anyway,

but not when it comes to me going to see my mothers side

Apparently 80 is a big number for the chinese year.

Oh yeah, I'm suppose to be writing a speech

FML

they just told me

and my mother is not capable of such thing.

Shes also on anti-depressants.

wtf.

Lets Begin!

bye nashville!

Feeling fly like a g6

Chicago is snowed in

Hi phoenix

Philly steak! in phoenix

not as great as the east coast

IN CALIFORNIA, why are the roads bumpy?

Kathy eating joeys ricecakes (who I meet later)

I almost had a mental breakdown after losing my phone at the chicago airport and didn't know where to find kathy. Eventually she found me

Meet Mochi, the kitty.

Mochi slept with me in the mornings when everyone left to school/work

Danny at gmas house, kathys brother

Michael, our cousin who kathy stalked and bothered until she found his facebook

Part 1 of the banquet, some chinese thing

M gma is on the right

Peachtree steam buns with lotus paste!

Represents longevity.

Spoke to two photographers, helpful and made me realize...I need a new camera

Part Deux: Banquet.

I didnt know this was like a wedding, I didn't dress as formal - oops

Holy shit, it is a wedding.

But for my grandfathers birthday

Hilarious watching him be spaced out

Let me tell you, there was like 11 dishes of food. Fantastic food, but really? I was full after #5

Cousins!

HIS RIDICULOUS BIRTHDAY CAKE

Kayla and Kevin, cousins!

My mother, ugh - & step dad. Yes, I have one, unfortunately and it appears the whole divorce thing and all has really fucked with my mother because when shit happens, gossip travels and the community shuns and smacktalks. THAT post will come later. Anyway, she makes me cry and he has earned my respect after 3 years. Long story.

I line danced. One of them is the electric slide, wtf.

Tired, left at 11:30 napped in the car while kathy drove - props to her. She was voted worst driver in her school. How did I live to tell the tale of my trip? No idea.

I MADE IT!!!!

2010-12-14T23:17:00.004-06:00

this is about as many as my fake relationship :O

ISAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARUFDI is what the kitty typed on the laptop

2010-12-13T17:15:00.000-06:00

Came back home:
Songs of the roadtrip

then went to CA

I tried searching throughout the week,
making excuses to run into you
walking in and out expecting a conversation written before
only to leave empty handed, again

Sickly

2010-12-09T00:35:00.003-06:00

Getting sick,
no good.

My body/health telling me I need to go back to:
1. Coffee every day & night
2. No sleep
3. Stressing

I dont want to. =[
Karma.

Study breaks

Rethinking design.
Rethinking life.

I'm slacking on blogging, sorry! I will after finals.
Heres videos/music to cheer you up.

AWESOME ANIMATION MOOD

A XX intro cover mood

Dub/House mood?

A "I want to murder someone" mood (created by the maker of invader zim! hilarious)

High hopes mood

Chinese

2010-12-06T07:50:00.000-06:00

Apparently, I have been writing my chinese name wrong.

With the last character I have been writing it as RICE in chinese.
All because the strokes is suppose to be smaller and and closer together makes the biggest difference in the world. And my chinese teacher called me out on it on the LAST DAY of class in front of everywhere, why did you tell me all those times I've been writing it on the chinese quizzes and tests?

FML

replay

2010-11-28T12:54:00.007-06:00

I am in love,
With what we are,
Not what we should be.

And I am,
I am starstruck.
With every part,
Of this whole story.

ON REPEAT:
KESHA
DUB FX
Far East Movement
Florence and the Machine

One of these days, I'll post a video of me in the car dancing.

I just realized that if I saw an asian boy in a mini truck with a tootsie pop singing and dancing to kesha, it would be hilarious.

I thought my truck died, but actually some cord came undone to the battery starter thing, so apart of my soul almost died. My dad fixed it.

Dancing mood lately, can't wait to dance for the drag show Monday, as well as this weekend for the last time for the semester.

@ Night Owl Cafe <3
My friend and I discussed expectations vs reality
Anticipation too.
The idea of how we all create expectations and anticipate it to happen.
I expect a lot of things, probably why I am single because I am very casual, but in the end I always give chances and then expect again until reality hits those expectations and make them fall. I expect a lot of things to happen in the next few days, maybe it will happen, maybe it wont. Maybe I need to start living with nothing to lose, but this semester is a deal breaker, I have a lot to lose. Expectations are distractive. Plans change, so I guess you can't always expect people to do what they say, you just instead hope that they do. asohoinvdsknvw lame. I was too oblivious. I should stop being oblivious because I miss out on a lot of chances. Trying. I just dont know what to say.

Also, I just reread my formspring and I was so vague on some questions, it was awful, so I had to delete them. =X
because it made me sound like a horrible person.

I swear I am not what you assume me to be.
I will not be so vague anymore so if you want to know anything, ask.

this deserves an award

2010-11-26T01:22:00.001-06:00

My sister pretended that asking my dad whether or not he thinks being gay is okay was a project for a friend. Really, it was a test to see if it is okay with my dad.

He votes Republician and seems conservative and dislikes ladyboys,
so my assumptions were that he wouldnt be okay with it.

Turns out,
HE IS OKAY WITH GAYNESS!
well, his answer was "in our society now...it is very open"
so I assume it is okay.

BTW, i ate more food than i have all semester, god i got the -ITIS so bad
I have been unproductive! =[
whateverrrrzz.

I'm doing the drag show
and a secret
is that
- I pick songs that my mood is currently in or i can relate to in a way.
My character TJ Maxxx (ooi i added a last name) is like Taeyang, Ne yo. Gentlemen like and loving the girls they can never find.

So, went to jessikas and tylers house. Pics up soon!
I love the fact Tyler kept telling people "Tara takes photos for the newspaper, thats legit!" haha
Their dogs are cute. Addy kept licking my hair and browser kept laying near me (thus my needed shower at 2am). Addy is so cute and happy chasing squeaky toys. I would want a cute dog like him. =]

Then went to Big Ben, he is big and bald is why he is Big Ben! anyway, his wife is laotian and spoke laotian to me. Since I can't understand it I just nodded, but then heard the word Coffee and was like "COFFEE?!! WHERE?!" so then I got coffee from her. I am so addicted to coffee. I am also not sleeping because its almost 3am and i have to go shopping at 4am for black friday. If my sister didnt force me to drive, I would stay in and sleep.

I do want cardigans and a jacket. ohh.

My sister and I were moonwalking up and down the hallways of Big Ben's house.
Also, i decided to say "OH-SKANKY-DESKA" to this new japanese badminton player.
If you know japanese, you will understand.

KPOP ENGLISH OVERLOAD

Choices for future drag @ carousel (if it works out)
1. Michael Buble "havent met you yet"
2. Taeyang "love connection"
3. Jason derulo "Revolution"
4. Bruno Mars "Just the way you are"
5. Neyo "one in a million"

Transgender day of remembrance

2010-11-21T17:15:00.003-06:00

Secret Sunday: I love visiting this page and seeing the views and likes increase.

I love getting comments about how it has made them cry.

it gmh (gives me hope)

Transgender day of remembrance = Nov 20th

I saw Margaret Cho that day,

She said "I'm bisexual, but it doesn't fully explain me because I'm attracted to transgender people"

Then she said "that just means I'm greedy"

I'm greedy too then!

She was so fucking funny.

I'm glad I saw her as she is my favorite comedian.

Also, after the show, these two guys were walking behind me and janie and janie turned around and goes "excuse me?!" because apparently they were talking about one of us and janie figured, Oh, well if you are going to hit on one of us, tell us. && then one of the guy goes "OH, i thought that was the girl from food blah blah, because her legs look like the girl."

*points at me*

Why do my legs get more comments then anything else?

Wtfz, i dislike my legs

apparently they are famous legs if a guy can realize legs from afar

I wasted my weekend by sleeping too much. Everything is due..like..WEDNESDAYuisahdiuhaisudh fuckmylife.

That means more starbucks visits. oh those venti doubleshots.

I made this years ago, but people still watch it.

This began the start to my desire to making documentaries.

To many movements I've always wanted to start.

I post it everyyear

HARRY POTTER!

2010-11-18T19:19:00.001-06:00

Harry potter today! Midnight!

So excited!

YES YES.

I wore nerd glasses today and got a haircut. I feel fantastic and tired at the same time haha.
Design went swell, just have to change a few things,
but need to come up with poster design

This is my new voicemail, dont be afraid if you call

&& i love old cartoon theme songs, SO ENTERTAINING!

&& also, they got more balls than I do

Crazy ass Weekend

2010-11-17T20:20:00.001-06:00

I am not going to fully discuss what the hell happened that weekend.
But my cousin and 3 others came up this weekend to visit Knoxville. I'm sorry, Knoxville is a boring city, I dont know what the hell else there is to do here. They came for the UT vs Ole Miss game which we OWNED btw. Awesome. That score gmh for the future UT program, haha.

Anyway, to sum things up -
SOMEONE and her FRIEND, who I know both
and their MALE FRIENDS did things that weren't suppose to have been done in the apartment.

Poor Chinese roomie who had to see all that shit and think America was like a porno.
It is not. That's greek life.
Also, my cousin and her friends had to see it too, gross...images..

Anyway, it is in the past and we pretend it didn't happen.
Also I got a life supply of Monster Energy as a gift.
But i was pissed.

And I wish my other roomie didn't call the cops,
because even though they ran 12 flights of stairs, they didnt do anything X_X
&& it seemed like they make it "figure it out yourself" type of thing.

Aside from that shit though.
2 all nighters this week, on a roll.

HARRY POTTER PREMIERE!!!!
Ravenclaw bitches

The team keeps trying to convince me to switch back to science since ALL of them are literally science students.

One of the reasons why I can't do that is because I want to create art that involves conceptual thinking, movement. Science is logic, so it has its limits where you can't freely express your ideas and thoughts. As much as art hurts my budget and soul as a student, I know I'm creating something that will make people think, make people view it different, make people wonder. I have so many ideas, if only time lasted longer. I hope I make it into graphic design, if not - I'm not sure what I will do honestly. Hit ESC key & /quit life

No thx, I am happy making art.

Fuck Science.

I dont want to be the person at the pharmacy at Walgreens.

I tried to make you happy, but it was making me miserable.

surf it up

2010-11-12T18:09:00.002-06:00

Closer

2010-11-11T19:10:00.001-06:00

As time gets closer,
As I keep looking at other peoples work
As I keep doubting

I have a feeling.
I have a feeling I wont make it
I have a feeling of being failure
because I dont have the willingness to fail.

I have to re-do a lot of work.
My other classes are falling behind and sucking, badly

At the beginning I was fine, but this semester has just drained me,
I'm a mess

but you know what?
fuck what she said

Going to see THE FEATURES
because I need a stress relief, bad

You might find yourself
Angry at the things I do
Things I put you through
Hope your able to forgive me
Like I forgive you I forgive you

Aah girl, what are you thinking
I'm thinking that we
Should stick together
I reckon that we
Should follow our hearts

Alright now let's stick together
Let's follow our hearts
Not even lions, can tear us apart.

SHEEP SLEEP

2010-11-10T02:40:00.001-06:00

Ah drag show.
Ah design.

Setting up and binding is the day after the drag show
Not sure if I can do it this semester =[

I just made a SHEEP operation game.
and a SHEEP coffee sleeve
It says "Caution: darn dirty coffee"

=]

Friends still keep saying "By the way, congrats on the relationship!"
My reply: "What relationship? it was a fake one day stand"

I suck and am oblivious
Also, I'm a jerk and will ignore when impatient.

And...Yeah,
I know, its 4am.

I hate this feeling oh so.

2010-11-09T14:52:00.000-06:00

Blow by blow, I didn't see it coming
Blow by blow, sucker punch
Rushes in
Here to stay
Rushes in
You are here to stay

What rushes into my heart and my skull, I can’t control
Think about it, feel it in my bones
What rushes into my heart and my skull, I can’t control

I feel you in my bones
You’re knocking on my windows
You’re slow to letting me go
And I know this feeling oh, so
This feeling in my bones

Left hook, I didn’t see it coming
Left hook, you’ve got dead aim
Rushes out
Run away
Rushes out
You always run away

What rushes into my heart and my skull, I can’t control
Think about it, feel it in my bones
What rushes into my heart and my skull, I can’t control

I feel you in my bones
You’re knocking on my windows
You’re slow to letting me go
And I know this feeling oh, so
This feeling in my bones

I feel you in my bones
You’re knocking on my windows
You’re slow to letting me go
And I know this feeling oh, so
This feeling in my bones

I feel it in my bones
At night my skull feels pressure
I feel it in my bones
I feel it in my skull

I feel you in my bones
You’re knocking at my windows
You’re slow to letting me go
And I know this feeling oh, so
This feeling in my bones

I take a breath, take a breath with me blow by blow
I take a break, take a break, tell me you are here to stay
I take my heart out of my chest,
I just don’t need it anymore
Take my head out of the game,
I just don’t need it anymore

Take a breath, take a breath with me blow by blow
Take a break, take a break, from me you are here to stay
I take my heart out of my chest,
I just don’t need it anymore
Take my head out of the game,
I just don’t need it anymore

I feel you in my bones
You’re knocking on my windows
You’re slow to letting me go
And I know this feeling oh, so
This feeling in my bones

timeelapse

2010-11-08T23:50:00.002-06:00

I need to move on.

yet I would still love to hangout,

sad to say.

Nov5th reminder

2010-11-04T19:33:00.007-05:00

I like the fact that i have awesome pictures from camp bisco to use for everytime I see the groups I saw there. =]

BIG GIGANTIC

playing

with

Ana Sig

on NOV 5th!

I think a V for Vendetta viewing party is a must too.

I think I'll watch it tonight with a cup of coffee

I died right after graphic design today.

Surprised I was awake for class today, what the fuck all nighters? they suck.

Design party: 3 of us freaking out, discussing how much we hate/love design, critiquing our work, drinking tons of coffee/energy drinks, visiting walmart at 5am for printer ink, picking up our $20 poster from fed ex at 4am, karaoke in the vehicle to stay awake, all of us passed the fuck out 30 mins before we have class, waking up going to class and saying "FUCK YEAH WE MADE IT".

BTW, this is a music video for "LimeLight"

I really tried to stalk myself and find me in front of the stage in the Camp Bisco scenes,

unfortunately I had no luck to find myself in the video

Check it out!

EDIT////

One of the best performances I have ever seen
They played new songs, even one they produced in a studio the week before. They surprisingly played some heavy dubstep that was amazingly up there with Rusko. At first we were in the direct FRONT of Big Gigantic, as in they were only 5 feet away close. When they started playing all of us in the front couldnt hear shit but the drums so we kept itching for them to amp it up, but still, could hear it as well as we would've liked too. So we scooted over maybe a few people and that mustve been a drastic difference because then our ears started ringinig and jumping for joy. Honestly, I enjoyed Big Gigantic more than Rusko. That was one hell of a show that surprised me a SECOND time. Aside from the drummers snare breaking, he kept playing on his little tom haha, but it was soon fixed at least. There were alot of drunk people, no lie - one even dropped a beer bottle right before the show even started. There were definitely a lot of drunk people grinding on each other too - ew and a lot of them dancing wildly. Not saying I dance wild either, but at least it is more contained.

NEXT UP
-THE FEATURES NOV 11th

My fake relationship

2010-11-02T22:15:00.000-05:00

My friend and I decided to have a fake relationship to see what the gays would say.

Positive feedback

No, we aren't each others type

and yeah, still SINGLE.

Having a fake relationship for a day made me realize how single i am.

oh so sad

1.Facebook wouldn't know who I'm dating

2.Facebook wouldn't be the 1st to know, i would tell this blog first..then you all =P

3.I would at least have the girls number and have hungout with her haha

RUSKO SHOW

2010-11-02T14:25:00.000-05:00

RUSKO = awesome

He was better in NY, but was a pretty good show

The 2nd DJ made everything sound the same,

The 1st DJ was downright terrible.

Rusko made it better

and personal spaces was violated - GTFO - get the fuck off

except I was paranoid as fuck, so I'm never doing anything before the show to hinder my vision and thinking

Zombie mode

Ridiculously

2010-11-01T15:52:00.000-05:00

Agitated.
I'm jealous of other college kids photos.
It's Junior year, what am I doing?

Life is okays, but I wish there was more to it this semester.

Im afraid of messing up.

Halloween

2010-11-01T00:44:00.001-05:00

Disappointing weekend
You better hangout with me next year hoeface.

Tired as fuck
I didnt do anything for halloween
Stayed in - drank coffee and did design work

Having the most trouble with signing up for classes. >:(
Apparently, if I am to get a JREM minor, i must sign up for the prereq 175, which my catalog year doesnt require, but its a new curriculum they are doing. soijdoimwojdow I took the JREM prereq last semester (150) so what the hell, that class was pointless then.

Okayy, UT sucks at classes, I'm NOT getting a degree in studio art.
If graphic design fails - I will consider quitting /life

Hallos eve

2010-10-30T14:16:00.000-05:00

Since it is close to Halloween and it is PARTY weekend. =]

I dont know if it is worth trying again

2010-10-29T22:39:00.002-05:00

And I thought, be still my heart
This could be a brand new start, with you.
And it will be clear
If I wake up and you're still here with me in the morning.

EMANCIPATOR SHOW

Katie, one of my roomies went with me to the show. BEST ever. We were both stiff at first but started to loosen up. She asked me how to dance, but honestly..to dubstep.. I have no idea how to dance, I dance like a black dude on stage, not a white kid. Anyway, I got Emancipator's autograph afterwards. I was too scared to go backstage, but Katie pushed me and I awkwardly said "YOU WERE GREAT". He spelled my name as TARAH, but I dont care - Its EMANCIPATOR, the guy who I've been wanting to see since this summer. He is so modest and the cutest boy to watch as he djs and pushes his buttons on his synth machine. As much as you would think he would be use to, we cheered and he would smile so nervously. It was adorable.

Anyway, NEXT stop - ANA SIG AND BIG GIGANTIC

Badminton Charlotte

2010-10-29T21:04:00.012-05:00

BADMINTON WEEKEND

(Photo filled)

EW GROCE!!

My giant room all to myself, 2 beds for one person? YEAH! time to jump!

Didnt get there till 1am and barely slept in the car. NC mountains are a bitch to drive through.

8am tourney - ughs

Chris is really short, but can jump smash

Tough stuff

Shaun is from Bristol, we met in the Spring tourney. Awesome how we meet people! She curses a lot and is angry on the courts. She makes tennis grunts. ARGHHH!

Prez and Vice Prez

This guy is TALL as hell. This mens double made it to the finals

"The Duke Kids"

Damn you Duke university, beating us again.

CREEPER SHOT

Minje- from Rogersville. Comes every Sunday and is dating Alicia. (prez) CUTE.

he is hilarious and from Korea.

He called fireflies "Flying Ants that light up"

Chris is my partner for mixed. I suck at mixed, goddamnit

Jonny, form Asheville. Met him 2 years ago. After the tourney he took me to the best damn buffet in Charlotte. PEKING DUCK! So good. I fell asleep in his car on the way back.

This senior from Tulsa University Oklahama has the weirdest fashion. Notice the arm sleeves, one is made as cut off. Also, he is PRO, from Malaysia and has played on the Malaysian team or practices with them. Anyway, been playing since he was 6 yrs old. FBOOK "Jason China Hwa Kok" I know...im a creeper. I couldnt get over his adorableness. Shawn says he has wonderful legs

Florene (middle) is from France I think? Anyway, hes good, but didnt play.

Sweetest wrist action to watch, he won mens doubles with his partner (the guy with the 12 yr old girl in the future pic)

Ken, the bald head guy, paired up with Shawn and beat me and Chris

I love his tache. The short asian guy on the left, played with his daughter last tourney in spring

Duke guys lost

He poses in every way, hot damn!

and he changed to red, my fave color

Shawn always looks pissed

This is Abday Qureshi, look for him in the future!

He is hella good at 15 and beat Chris (our coach). He has played for only 4 years but his dad takes him to train overseas. WTF!

He's extremely nice and it was cool to talk to him.

He beat me and Chris in mixed doubles too, so he like..beat us twice

CREEPER SHOT #2

Break outside

Haha, this girl is cute. and we both attempted to study. But instead we talked about badminton and watched.

Shes a sophomore at Duke in Biomedical Engineering, damnnnN. She beat me and alicia in womens doubles

Chris talking to his girllll

Jason (im still stalking him) with Chin (right)- Chin is from Charlotte! She beat me and Alicia in womens doubles. She beat us in Spring tourney and she told me I improved, yes! Shes awesome, we talked a lot and all. She has convinced me to try Singles next tourney

Winner of Mixed Doubles

Left guy - winner of Mens

Right - 12 year old girl, who probably won womens singles- awesome

If only i had long legs

Mother and Daughter - winner of Womens Doubles. I think they won last spring tourney too

Jason kok, winner of Mens Singles. Intense awesome match! Beat #1 seed.

View from hotel window

On our way back - people still Teepee peoples houses?

It was a great experience, minus the shitty driving experience but anyway, I will absolutely miss it when I leave UT. Its interesting to see the same people from the Spring come out and play and definitely the vibe from it is amazing. It is a giant community, but it is small at the same time. The people I creeped on in the Spring I talked to, each had their own story and each and every one of them were nice. Intimidating on the courts, but at the end of the day we are here to play for fun. I've played tons of sports in my life, by far this is my favorite because the people make it worth while and worth the enjoyment. We make friends at the tournaments too. Like...one guy from the Charlotte tourney just called me as I was typing this blog. Met him, talked to him for 5 minutes and he is driving from Chattanooga just to play with us Sunday here in Knoxville.

I think everyone is missing out.

Toughstuff

2010-10-29T00:16:00.002-05:00

This is the moment that you know

That you told her that you loved her but you don't.

You touch her skin and then you think

That she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.

Yeah, she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.

I wanted to believe in all the words that I was speaking,
As we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that I was telling
All the playful misspellings
and every bite I gave you left a mark

Alot of things has been happening - more in depth later. The future blogs of:

My Awesome Trip to Charlotte
EMANCIPATOR (btw -> got his autograph)
Halloween Blog
RUSKOOOOOOO experience show
This week's rant

I hate signing up for classes -

makes me realize how much I HATE school

I just want to graduate

5th year senior, here I come.
Sufhkdahsfoiuh4903t3 fuck you UT

Break it down

All I see are dark Grey clouds
In the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you ask "Is something wrong?"
I think "You're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now.
No, we can't talk about it now."

So one last touch and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile, and it was cheap
and you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me
yeah you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me

[DCFC]

Why are my thoughts still racing around you?

My chinese homework asks to
"Describe what you hope your ideal boyfriend/girlfriend would look like."

Am I suppose to lie and say, "My boyfriend should look very handsome, with big blue eyes, pretty mouth, big nose"
....
Or am I suppose to tell the truth?

Emancipator #1

2010-10-21T22:00:00.005-05:00

Currently seeing Emancipator with my roommate!
Finding Emancipator was an accident, fate?

My friend and I discussed, whats the different between fate and coincidence? When does it get to the point that you say those coincidences is fate? As both can be used for one another,
Where do you draw the line?
We both agreed, our friendship is fate.

The color PURPLE

2010-10-20T20:49:00.000-05:00

FULL ARTICLE

by Allison Hope

Tens of thousands, maybe even hundreds of thousands of people will be donning purple this coming Wednesday to honor those young lives that have been taken prematurely due to hate. October 20 has been designated Spirit Day, a day in which the color purple will be worn as a reminder of the string of recent young, gay suicides.

The idea was started by Canadian teenager Brittany McMillan, and has quickly grown into a movement that has spread across Canada, the United States and beyond. Purple is the LGBTQ color of spirit, Brittany said on her Tumblr account, where she first spread the news of the day. "And that's exactly what we'd like all of you to have with you: spirit."

"Please know that times will get better and that you will meet people who love and respect you for who you are, no matter your sexuality," McMillan says on her site.

A Facebook group that came together to honor Tyler Clementi, the young man who jumped off the George Washington Bridge because he had been taunted for being gay, created a page devoted to Spirit Day. "On October 20th, 2010, we will wear purple in honor of the LGBT youth who have committed suicide in recent weeks/months due to homophobic abuse in their homes and schools," the Facebook page reads.

The page now has more than 41,000 people who replied to the invite to say that they are participating. Hopefully that means we'll be seeing a fair amount of purple across small towns and big cities alike this Wednesday.

Purple is the color of honor and, as McMillan mentioned, the color of spirituality. Purple is a binary color that you get by mixing two primary colors, an apt analogy for a movement that celebrates diversity and, at this significant juncture, demands equal treatment, respect, and safety. May the purple, and all of the other colors of the rainbow, shine brightly this Wednesday, and every day moving forward.

You aren't alone

And I am here for you

Everyone else is too.

yi97hjs

2010-10-19T19:14:00.001-05:00

You mofos,

that took my ideas

in design.

I hate that about design, we critique work and steal other design ideas - NO, thats bs.

I worked on the ideas the teacher said worked, turns out, other bitches did too.

that made me realize that I should've kept pushing it, making it +288821918 times better than yours.

Rough day-

no sleep

Disappointed

But then

and I made 3.7 out of 4.0

on my 3D package design

O M G!

They made it sound like all of us did shitty so I my plan was to:

1. Eat lunch

2. Cry over a bad grade

3. Nap it off

4. Go to Chinese class

5. Die afterwards

Instead my plan turned out to be:

1. Eat lunch

2. Be in shock over a good grade

3. Sleep peacefully whilst missing my Chinese class

4. Sleep peacefully whilst missing my Beacon assignment

5. Be pissed

TRUST YOUR GUT
as I failed to do so today.

I LOVEEEEEEE movement lyfestyle. Shaun Evaristo and Lando <3

Also, a change of pace. Throwing a curveball bc I heard this song elsewhere

Rusko

2010-10-16T13:21:00.000-05:00

Got to add a Rusko track!
Seeing Rusko AGAIN -- Oct 26th

Tarawr @ Camp Bisco watching Rusko few feet in front.

I distinctly remember making eye contact haha <3

DESIGN DESIGN DESIGN

lots of it this weekend FML

2010-10-14T23:01:00.001-05:00

Still clinging onto that hope.
Let it go, let it go

I'm willing to give you as many chances,
to keep my hope and doubts there

Sitting in this chair

2010-10-13T22:44:00.001-05:00

for far too long.

Ever since then,

I found that feeling I've been searching for.

It has been lost

as we both lose the connection

and the words to speak

but as I'm sitting in this chair,

I'm still searching for it

I have high hopes,

She has high hopes.

Badminton tournament in Charlotte NEXT WEEKEND

soahjoisjadkoa

lose

We go to watch anyway & get owned by those badminton players that have been playing intensively for 10 years or so haha.

Whateve, i think im doing okay for an on and off 2 year run.

Been training and it makes me realize that I am a fatass and need to run more often as my cardio is awful

As the rush comes

2010-10-12T21:18:00.000-05:00

DJ Tiesto has a version, but this one is a chill mix
Great for your nighttime sleep!

I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from the inside
I am ready, I am ready

YES! I felt prepared in design. Awesome.

It's been a year.

2010-10-10T09:46:00.002-05:00

Time flew - I didnt realize.
I'm sorry

Today, spending my last moments with my family and visiting the temple in memory of my grandmother
The year ago blog about her

The funny thing about it..is that on 10/5/10 last week,
I stayed up all night to work on my 3D project

The memory behind it?
The anger/depression moments I felt when she passed away

I turned it in that day thinking about her
and got good remarks on it and comments

Maybe my luck is turning around?

On the lighter note
Maybe we were destined to have a babyninja together!
I'll take good care of him <3

I realized yesterday I suck at ice skating
I don't do rollerblades
fuck that

4 wheels on each foot like the old days!
Damn I miss skating

2010-10-09T15:53:00.001-05:00

CHECK OUT "THE TOURIST"
Johnny Depp & Angelina Jolie in one movie?
YES. Automatic awesomeness.

If I didn't see you this fall break
Thanksgiving break!

Fofff

2010-10-09T00:04:00.000-05:00

Wow, you are the only one who brings out the worst in me.
Fuck off
and stop fucking bitching.

Crying over a piece of fruit
Get in a car and drive to the market and buy it yourself asshole.

2010-10-08T22:02:00.001-05:00

Went shopping with janie
Yes, we just spent 4 hours shopping for a dress for her at Cool Springs

Yes, this gay guy checked me out at Express.
Damn you cute gay guys

Yes, I would absolutely date one if I was emotionally attracted to them
Damn you cute gay guys and your fashion

Song of the trip

I posted the original way backkk, but it is MY FAVORITE. hands down.

There is a lot of articles and media discussing the 5 main suicides around the US.

It is no fucking surprise as for LGBT people are 4x more likely to attempt suicide.

Click for an interesting read
"Queer Youth Not a Tragedy"

But yeah, reading the Metro Pulse, reading the Nashville Scene, watching the news, watching Anderson Cooper 360, etc...they all have discussed suicides and LGBT. Alot just point out that "Oh, we must teach accepance of gays, shame shame on them being homophobic!" Sure, that is fine, but being bullied has ALWAYS been around. Honestly, I dont think people should focus on LGBT bullying only, but focus on bullying in general. It doesn't matter what sexuality you are sometimes. I was bullied NOT for being gay. I was bullied for my style, the way I looked, not my sexuality. People should focus on how the ADMINISTRATORS don't do shit. In many cases, what leads up to the suicides are administrators ignoring the problem, ignoring their parents calls, ignoring everything. I remember not having the confidence in my administrators, teachers, classmates, or even friends. I coudnt come forward and felt alone. Maybe even focus on the signs of suicide..or focus on letting kids know alternatives to suicide. Those bullies will ALWAYS be there until someone steps in.

I'm glad suicide was not an answer for me.
I stepped in for myself. Stood up for myself.
What happened?

Well, it stopped.

&&
It really does get better
I promise you

Fall break

2010-10-08T01:00:00.000-05:00

Crashing to sleep.
I worked hard, so now I go to sleep hard.

Went to Nashville for K&S market, Tina's thai restaurant, and a family haircut.

Bought seaweed (absolute cheapest college meal food ever)
The lady of the restaurant keeps asking me to work there. I think I will in the winter? Well, I can't speak thai very well, so that might be a problem. But I could help with cooking. The first time she asked me, she was like "There's a pretty white girl that works here, she's pretty, you can work with her"

It is as if she knew.

I wonder if she is still there...

Songs of the trip

Song of the NY trip during the summer.
We listened to this ....you have no idea how many times during the 16-20 hr drive.
You'll know if you like it when it hits 2 mins. The best climax ever

2010-10-06T21:22:00.000-05:00

Addicted.
When it comes to music,
I love lyrics..but I dont need lyrics.

Maybe because with language it can be limited. We learned this in art (with my teacher crush). In our class discussion we learned why art is so valuable. It may be vague, we may hate bitches who make paintings in 5 secs and call it art, but it would sadly, be considered "art" in the same way bitches who make beats or a song in 5 minutes would be considered "music". Anyway, the point is -- Art has last many centuries for a particular reason. That reason is how in art, anyone can see it, anyone can understand it. Maybe not on a conceptual level, but art is used everywhere. That shirt your wearing? ART. That design on the billboard outside your window? ART. Those bathroom signs? ART. It is universal. Art is universal.

In language..unless I know Japanese I won't understand what the hell they are talking about. But I LOVE japanese design and japanese art. In the same category, I dont understand Korean, but I LOVE korean music.

So basically, music beats to me speaks to me more than lyrics. Lyrics can put the words there for you, but I think creating a story yourself while listening to instrumental is more fun =] Without lyrics I find is more universal, as everyone can feel that mood.

&& it is the best study music.

Okay, I apologize for sounding lame.
I just had to throw that out there.

Ready for coffee, tea, cardigans, cuddling, blankets, beanies, gloves, ice skating, and being lazy.

I am finding all sorts of remixes for my top artists of the monthsss.

RIP

2010-10-05T18:04:00.000-05:00

R.I.P

TACHI

My orange shuffle I have had for 3-4 years.

Oh the drops, abuse, going through cycles of laundry, keeping me up while I drive.

How I will miss you dearly.

Now this is why Im gay

2010-10-04T22:29:00.001-05:00

After dealing with drawing NUDE.

yes, that is right - NUDEEEEEE

Male models for drawing class,

I have come to realize why I am gay

Male penises are sooooo fugly X_X

My drawings consisted of me ignoring them so there were blank spaces in where the penis was.

I also realized that I draw my figures muscular looking because in my head, i wish they were...
but in reality, they sadly arent...
as in the current one we have now has man-boobies
I kinda giggled as I was drawing them because I was like "oh, im kinda drawing a female for the time being...*draw draw* ughhhh a penis *skip*"

Like, wtf.

I thought guys had 2 balls, not 1?

and whats up with it being small?

I question how girls can be attracted to that

and why are old middle aged men into being nude in front of drawing classes?
could they be.....PEDOPHILES?

:O
Well, the one we have now,
he has the pedo-tache.
:O

Like my friend said "If all penis look like this, I dont know how longer I'll stay straight"

&& if they all really look like that, I am so glad to be gay.

My friend once asked, would having sex with a guy be strange?
Well, after that class I texted back
"yes it would be strange because ew ew ew"

I also found out today why I am glad I didn't date you.

You are loud and have an obnoxious laugh

kkthxbye

btw, I was checking out your friend, not you.

2010-10-03T22:34:00.000-05:00

Fuck fail. fail. fail. I am forgetting to do things.
Getting distracted too easily.

Duck came to visit!

Janie "plummeled" Duck, own teammate, when trying to melee the guy (aka. In BLUE who is dead and not even near Janie)

Oh my, fucking good times.

Sad plans didn't work out the way we wanted it too.

Which means I might have to start ignoring, not going to some practices, and etc.
Not the time to get distracted.

2010-09-29T19:52:00.000-05:00

Maybe we'll go for a ride

You said you'd take me nowhere

I said that suits me just fine

Stop Worrying

I'm just being a jerk.

because I'm stressed as fuck.

Autumn leaves

2010-09-28T14:24:00.002-05:00

{check out this beat}

<33333333

Cold season is coming.

I need some hoodies!

I am behind on design.

I thought we only have to turn in process for the 3D.

WRONG

Its for everything

FML

Don't bother me now.

A story for you.

Also..for my keepsake.

Daily Beacon

Letters to the Editor

Mon Sep 27, 2010

Tabloid intolerant of campus LGBT community

"The Weekly Hangover" attempted to seize the mantle from "The Daily Beacon" last Friday. Veiling its publication as "The Baily Deacon," the front page's tagline read, "Paper less gay already."

For those administrators and students unfamiliar with the publication, "The Weekly Hangover" is an alternative, satirical, weekly newspaper "Promoting the written word, corrupting students, enlightening idiots, seducing your mother, drinking your beer," as its Facebook page states. The paper has long challenged, critiqued and mocked those that dominate our campus. Yet, as the most recent issue so clearly highlighted, its editorial staff has again betrayed their once respectable mission.

Last spring, they showcased a surprising degree of homophobia when they labeled UT senior Elliott DeVore a "segregationist" for championing a bill through the SGA Senate that would create "gender-neutral bathrooms" on campus. I understand that the "Weekly Hangover" aspires to leave no topic untouched but their words have only succeeded in demonstrating the narrowness of their worldview, a move that marginalized the staff by forcing them onto the same stage as the increasingly irrelevant and shrinking population of bigots on our campus.

For those readers unbothered by the tagline of "The Hangover", consider substituting other politically incorrect terms for minority groups in place of "gay." "Gay" may not make your blood churn like other words, but when used in a derogatory fashion, it serves as a weapon of repression and subordination in every context.

What makes this cut sting all the worse, though, is that UT already ranks as one of the most unaccommodating campuses in the nation. In 2008, The Princeton Review ranked UT fifth in its "Alternative Lifestyles Not an Alternative" (translation: not a gay-friendly school) list of colleges and universities. When the staff of "The Hangover" decides to embrace the most ignorant contours of our society, they engage in the same type of smug, small-mindedness on issues of difference that continues to mark the South as backward.

Our society unfortunately employs far too many words for the dual function of denoting a minority group and signifying that some item, person or thing lacks value or worth. This tide seems to be ebbing, and those who continue to count the word amongst their vocabulary are increasingly finding themselves not in an ocean of their peers but in a pond of fellow bigots and unenlightened idiots. Perhaps this is why the entire staff of "The Weekly Hangover" hides behind pseudonyms.

But what most depresses a gay UT student like myself is that what once was a light-hearted rallying point for all campus dissidents off of Frat Row has effectively dismissed one of their own. "The Weekly Hangover" may trudge on through the academic year, but they'll do so without the UT's LGBT community.

Will Barnes

Senior in history

wbarnes2@utk.edu

Football update

2010-09-28T14:18:00.001-05:00

pet peeves.
Please be aware.

And so, UAB vs UT was so fun taking photos
I almost got hit a few times, but as long as I get an awesome shot...I dont care

The Daily Beacon boss nominated me to go to THIS
I think I will go to it. I think it will be interesting O_o

The Journey

(more UAB photos)

Gate 21A = long ass tunnel = me getting lost

Duh, it said media center.

It felt like a badass walking in with a press pass.

Free breakfast AND lunch? I love this already

They have huge badass cameras.

I am so jealous.

Touchdown!

The tackle that almost got me.

They feel 5 feet away from me. X_X

Smokey!

"Rocky top, you'll always be, home sweet home to me!"

Kick dat shit.

My only wide angle shot. I was on the opposite end and was like "OHH fan photos with my wide angle!" "Oh shit, a long pass my direction!"

Halftime show with native americans

FML moment, this is the photo they put in the beacon rotfl

Look at them coming back.

Lets talk about books and music now.

The final touchdown

which I feel sorry them because they run into the brick wall after jumping into the endzone. Shouldnt UT put some sort of cushioning? wtf.

Portfolio Review and signing up for classes is getting closer.
Honestly, I dont know what I will do.
I seem to really love Media, so I think I will change to Journalism and Electronic Media if I dont pass. I mean, getting to be a photographer for events is great.

I'll be in school for fucking ever. Im so tired of school.

It isn't the fact that I don't want to be in a relationship

More on the lines of, I can't be in a relationship.